A single father considers a second surrogacy journey for the sake of his daughter—
The moment I committed to becoming a father, I knew that from then on, my life would be less about me. From that point forward, it would be devoted entirely to the well-being of my only and deeply loved daughter, Sara.
As part of a parent’s responsibility, I feel obligated to do everything I reasonably can to secure my child’s future — not only financially. One fear, in particular, keeps me awake at night: Sara is an only child.
Beyond the fact that she will grow up without siblings who could offer her a built-in sense of family and stability, I can’t help but wonder what will happen to her when I’m gone. Will Sara’s fate be to face the world alone?
For a moment, let’s set aside another fear of mine — that Sara might see her father as a role model and choose a solitary life herself. Even if she grows up to have a family of her own, how will she manage without a brother or sister to look out for her interests and stand by her side unconditionally?
The Twins Who Were Never Born
Let me take a step back in time.
During the surrogacy process, the original plan was to bring twins into the world — precisely for this reason. Two siblings who would grow up together and serve as family for one another long after I am no longer around.
For reasons I won’t go into here, that plan never materialized. As a result, Sara is now my only child.
Still, I refuse to give up easily. My daughter’s future is far too important for that.
Now that Sara is four months old, I find myself seriously considering entering another surrogacy process, solely for her sake — to give her a sibling.
Money, Guilt, and Heavy Decisions
The downsides of such a move are obvious.
The cost of a surrogacy process starts at around $80,000–$90,000, not including additional expenses. To raise that kind of money, I would need to break into a savings fund I started specifically for Sara and somehow secure additional funds.
Just thinking about it fills me with a sense of betrayal. To me, that money belongs to her. It is meant to serve her future — and suddenly, without asking her, I would be taking it to “buy” another baby.
Beyond the cost of surrogacy itself, there’s the financial reality that follows. I’m a salaried employee with an average income. I believe I can support one child. But two? In a materialistic world like ours?
Every dollar I divert to a future sibling would inevitably come at Sara’s expense — experiences, opportunities, or comforts she could otherwise enjoy. In a single-parent household, the cost of raising two children is significantly higher, especially due to the increased reliance on infant caregivers and babysitters.
Does a Sibling Really Prevent Loneliness?
Recently, I even found myself consulting an unlikely source: an online friend — ChatGPT.
For someone as solitary and introverted as I am, talking to an external, rational, and nonjudgmental voice can help bring clarity. One of the points it raised was simple, yet deeply unsettling: having a brother or sister does not guarantee that Sara won’t be lonely in the future.
I’ve seen plenty of cases where siblings grow distant from one another — sometimes even cutting off contact entirely. Even if I treat mutual responsibility as a core educational value and do everything in my power to nurture it while I’m alive, there is no guarantee it will endure after I’m gone.
And then Sara would still be alone — only with far less money and a much deeper sense of loss.
Even in the present, harmony is far from guaranteed. Sibling relationships can be complex, even with guidance and supervision. Rivalry — especially over parental attention — can have lasting negative effects. A child who consistently feels overshadowed by a sibling may develop deep-seated feelings of inferiority that follow them for years.
Verstappen, Formula 1, and the Hypothetical Sibling
These thoughts often take me to the world of Formula 1.
Every driver must first defeat their teammate. Your primary rival is the person sitting right beside you. At Red Bull Racing, for example, none of Max Verstappen’s teammates have truly managed to compete with him. They burn out, step aside — or are quietly pushed out by management.
When I think about Sara, I’m actually quite calm. I’ve read that only children often develop higher self-confidence — especially in single-parent households, where there isn’t another parent dividing attention.
Sara, who has been blessed with a dominant and uncompromising personality, will know how to stand her ground even against a future sibling. If anything, my sympathy lies with that hypothetical brother or sister, forced to compete with an older sister who never backs down.
Sara is the Max Verstappen of all families. Anyone who goes up against her is likely to lose.
A Temporary Inclination, Not a Final Decision
For now, my inclination is not to pursue another surrogacy process.
Instead, I will give Sara as much guidance, attention, and self-confidence as possible — tools she will need to navigate the world as an only child.
I’m also fully aware of how fragile this decision is, and how easily it could change in an instant.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to enjoy every moment of raising my Sara Verstappen — without a doubt, the GOAT.
I’d love to hear what you would do if you were in my place.
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Read Next
If you’d like to read more about Sara and our life together, here are two more posts you might enjoy:
Beyond the Blog
Alongside this blog, I also give talks about late fatherhood, surrogacy, and the emotional journey of becoming a parent later in life.
Sara and Me 