The Heart I Left in the Cradle: A Single Father’s Reflections on Paternity Leave, Love, and Returning to Work—
Every new mother knows how hard it is when maternity leave comes to an end and it’s time to return to work.
At least, that’s what I learned from an informal “survey” I conducted among the women around me.
They all described, in detail and with visible frustration, the emotional difficulty of leaving behind what they considered the best period of their lives — the time when the unbreakable bond between mother and child is formed.
First-time mothers, as expected, were the saddest. They could hardly imagine leaving their baby at daycare or with a caregiver and spending at least eight full hours a day trying to please their boss.
As a single father, I completely understand how they feel.
It’s Saturday night now. Tomorrow I go back to work after five months of paternity leave. As you may have guessed, this has been the best period of my life. In a certain sense, I feel as though I was born again during these months.
When Sara Was Born, I Was Born Too
I was 52 years old when Sara was born at Rambam Hospital, and that was the moment when our journey together truly began — a small family, but a strong one.
I’ll admit it took some time to process this new reality and get used to it. After 52 years of living almost entirely for myself and spending most of my life alone, dedicating your life to a demanding baby isn’t exactly a simple transition — even if the moment she was born through surrogacy, you immediately recognized yourself in her.
Fortunately, I had invaluable help. When we left the hospital, Sara and I went straight to my parents’ home when she was only two days old. For an entire month, my mother — after whom Sara is named — patiently taught me the basics of this new “profession” called parenthood.
During those days, when my life was completely turned upside down, Sara and I began learning each other. That was when the foundation of the deep bond between us was built.
Alongside the emotional adjustment between Sara and me, those weeks were also filled with practical challenges. I had to complete numerous bureaucratic steps related to the long and exhausting surrogacy process so that Sara would officially and legally be under my guardianship — all of it while functioning on very little sleep.
Our First Home Together
When that first month ended — along with most of the exhausting bureaucracy — Sara and I moved back to my apartment near my parents’ home. That was when the real challenge began, without the constant support of my mother.
I won’t lie: it wasn’t easy for either of us.
I came into this with very little experience sharing my home with others and with a lifelong habit of keeping people outside the walls I had built around my heart. Sara, on the other hand, came into the world with absolutely no experience at all — with people or with life itself.
But somehow, despite everything, it worked.
I discovered something that had been missing from my life for many years. And once that tiny, sweet new presence became an inseparable part of my reality, the desire to build a life together with her outweighed every difficulty we faced.
The Golden Months of Paternity Leave
About two months after her birth, Sara and I had already become almost inseparable. Our lives were completely intertwined. Two separate beings — one shared soul.
Then came what I now think of as the golden age of my paternity leave: trips to the mall, walks around the neighborhood, visits to local parks, and our favorite outing — going to Nafis restaurant.
My mother was always an integral part of our small family.
This was also the time when the bond between Sara and me became visible to the outside world, which may have strengthened it even more.
One of the most beautiful things during that time was seeing my mother happier than ever, watching her eldest son and her youngest granddaughter build a rare and genuine love — unconditional love.
I also had the privilege of watching the bond develop between grandmother and granddaughter.
They share the same name, and I am the link between them.
Those were the happiest days of my life.
During that time, the love that suddenly burst out of me — love that had been suppressed for 52 years — completely overwhelmed the constant anxiety that had always lived inside me, an anxiety that only grew stronger after I became a father.
One thing became clear: no matter how powerful anxiety may be, it cannot defeat love.
When Reality Interrupted
Then the conflict between Israel and Iran escalated.
The threat of ballistic missiles forced Sara and me to move back to my parents’ home, where there is a reinforced safe room.
The fear of being caught far from shelter during a siren kept us close to home. In fact, we never went farther than the small neighborhood garden next to my parents’ building — only about twenty meters from the public shelter.
This tense security situation forced us to cancel some of our plans, including a family vacation at a hotel. It was frustrating to see the final days of my paternity leave slipping away.
But even then, life continued.
Within the four walls of our home we had the privilege of watching Sara grow and develop, slowly becoming a little person with her own sense of self.
We entertained her with everything we could think of, and she rewarded us with adorable surprises that made us laugh in ways we never had before. Even inside the small safe room at my parents’ house, our little princess managed to steal the show with what felt like a baby stand-up comedy routine that left us laughing uncontrollably.
Tomorrow I Go Back to Work
My original paternity leave was supposed to end at the end of January, but I extended it until mid-March — as much time as possible with Sara — the best thing that has ever happened in my life.
Tomorrow, however, that idyll comes to an end. I’m going back to work.
Don’t get me wrong. I truly love my job and the people I work with. This is the first time in my 52 years that I feel appreciated and valued in a workplace, and I certainly don’t take that for granted.
During my leave, many of my colleagues came to visit Sara and me, and the number of gifts and good wishes I received from everyone I work with made me feel — in a very unusual way — that I had another family.
Right after Sara was born, they even collected a large amount of money and used it to buy us an enormous number of wonderful gifts.
As a gesture of gratitude for all the kindness they showed me, I organized a large meal at my workplace during my leave, and most of the staff — including senior management — attended.
Thank God for this job of mine, which will help me provide for Sara with a smile on my face. And yet, despite all of that — and I hope this doesn’t sound ungrateful — I would still prefer to stay home with her just a little longer.
Why I Chose to Return Now
To be clear, no one at work forced me to return, and no one even hinted at it. I am fortunate to work in such a supportive and family-like environment that my managers repeatedly told me: Come back whenever you feel ready. Your position will be waiting for you.
I chose to return for two main reasons.
The first is financial. After five months without a regular salary coming into my bank account, it’s time to restore a steady income. The payments I received from Israel’s National Insurance Institute were quickly depleted.
The second reason is the colleague who replaced me during my leave. He is a wonderful person and an outstanding employee who took on my responsibilities in addition to his own. I want to ease the burden he has been carrying.
The Heart I Left in the Cradle
That’s it. Only a few hours remain of my paternity leave, so I’ll end this slightly melancholic post here.
I can hear that Sara has just woken up and is waiting for her last meal of the day before bedtime.
I’ll probably adjust quickly to the routine of work again — what choice do I have? I have many good friends there who will help me through it.
But I will always look back with longing at my paternity leave — the best and most meaningful period of my life.
In about two weeks, Passover will arrive and I won’t be working during the holiday. Something to look forward to. I’m already planning how Sara and I will spend that time together, hopefully with the war behind us.
From now on, I’ll have to settle for the holidays scattered throughout the calendar and try to make the most of every moment of quality time with Sara.
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Read Next
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